Im Beaten Down

I have so many thoughts in my head, swirling around most of them are jsut questions really.
Im spent, i need help but i dont feel like anyone can help me out. Its just me...alone?

I want to be enthusiastic and positive about everything right now but its not working. Maybe i just need a good cry. Just to let it out and be free of it. Thinking how things could be worst but i cant seem to get that frame of mind. I am weak and i admit it. This is the first step. I need to realize this and stop faking. I am WEAK. whats next...i can be strong...i can be in control.

Failing is not an option for me, but its my doing why im here at this point. A point where everything is up in the air. I wanna be happy but eveyrthing seems unimportant. Moving and having your own freedom seems so small and uninteresting. I need to fix this, i know its fixable and im scared out of my mind.

I need to be positive...
I need to do this
There is no choice...
This is my life...

Missing Out

Is it just envy or missing out, we have things to do but sometimes we think it is not important. Sometimes we need to decide, make our priorities straight. Today has been all that, thinking about my priorities in life. Its hard when you cant even stand responsibility, how can you set you own path when its impossible for you to think about responsibility.

We try to do everything because of what? envy of others? probably. In my case, yes. I want to do certain things due to envy, "if they can do it? why cant I?" mentality. Is it really challenging yourself or proving to others or to yourself that you can do it too envying their capability. Sometimes the line between being envious and trying new things because you are adventurous blurs.

We have to think of what we are capable not to measure ourselves of what others can, this will lead to being envy of others successes. Comparing ourselves with others measure of success can blind us from our own truth. Our own truth transcends any religion, belief, and skin colour. Your purpose is not because of your religion, race or upbringing. Its up to us to make that happened and to uncover. We cant limit ourselves with what we know and learned. We need to be open for change and listen to the universe. We cant live by other peoples standard because we are limiting ourselves. Posibilities are endless. You ask me whats my truth? my purpose? right now? is to find my purpose.